Enough is Enough

I remember when Fausto and I first started dating.  I remember when he asked me to move in.  And I remember immediately after that, the  "when are you two kids getting married"  questions started.  Not that we hadn't talked about getting married, but we didn't need other people reminding us that it was an option that we had clearly forgotten about.

I remember when he proposed.  On one knee, in the bedroom of our half of the apartment we shared with his brother with a red box tied with a perfect white bow.  I remember planning and registering and the shower my friends threw. I remember getting our own place and getting our first puppy.  I remember walking down the aisle and that whole amazing, spectacular time being so blurry and crazy and I remember thinking "This is happy.  This is the happiest I will be.  Ever.  It doesn't get any better than this."

And then the "When are you two kids going to have a baby" questions started.  Immediately after the ink was dried on the marriage certificate they started.  Not that we hadn't spoken about  starting a family, but everyone seemed to be in a real rush for it to happen.  We started trying a year later and had success.  And then loss.  And while we were mourning, we were greeted with good intentioned people reminding us "you can just try again." Like it was placing an order for pizza.  "Oh, I asked for pepperoni...can you just make this again?"

And after exactly a year, we got pregnant again.  And on May 5, 2012, our beautiful son, Max was born.  We were parents.  Finally.  He was here.  Our family was complete.  Until Max was about a week old when the serious inquiry of "When are you having another one?" started to come.

And it still comes.  Every playdate.  Every family visit.  Every Holiday.  It comes.  I usually make some sort of joke about it.  "Not on purpose.  No"  "Not anytime soon.  No."  "Sweet Lord, Why?  No!"  Is it THAT strange that I'm okay with one kid?

There's a saying that goes "I knew so much about being a parent before I had kids."  And it's totally true.  Even while I was pregnant with Max, I always figured we'd have two, maybe even three children. I'd even say things like "When he turns one, we'll try again."  Yeah one comes REALLY fast.  Like a year later.  

Max just turned three and the answer is still No.  Not now.  Maybe not ever.  And there is always going to be the one (or 20) people who ask...no..tell me "he needs a brother or a sister"  but shouldn't the notion of bringing a second (or third or fourth) child into the world be based on what we decide is enough for our family and not some idea that Max needs a built in playmate?  You do realize that babies come out not potty trained and ready to play legos, right?  That's why he has friends.

So for right now, let it be clear that the answer is a resounding NO.  As of right this second, Team Awesome is complete.  We have enough.  And please allow that to be enough for you.  And if you are reading this and you're feeling pressure to get married or move forward or have kids, don't.  Take your time.  Evaluate what your happy looks like.  Trust yourself and when your enough is full and not dictated by that pressure. 

Your answers will come.  Your happy could be around the corner.  Your heart and your gut will never fail you.  You are enough.

Until Soon,

Kate