Sure it's everything cliche everyone can tell you it's going to be. "You'll never know love until you hold your baby." "You'll forget what your life was like before him/her." "It's like having a second heart that isn't yours walking around in someone else's body." It is all of those things. But much like baby weight and an extra chin, you gain so much more.
From my experience, here are the five things I have gained in my time as a mother.
#5. Anxiety
This is terrible, but we really need to be talking more about this. I promise, the rest of this post will be happy and light. stick with me.
I was an anxious person before about things. But add a kid?
HOLY. HELL.
I have not watched the news in 2 years because I would immediately put myself and Max in whatever terrible story they were going on about. I also had to stop watching "Survivorman" because what if Max and I were stuck n the Alps and the car broke down and we had to take apart the seats to keep warm? Totally realistic, right? Yeah. It's not.
And once I started opening up about it, I found that I wasn't alone. I still have a hard time watching the news. Don't get me wrong, I am up on current events, but I prefer the news on Canadian Networks or the BBC. Short, sweet, to the point and not drawn out. I know. Completely unpatriotic of me, but seriously, the Sandy Hook tragedy left me without sleep for almost a month. So how do I deal now?
Well, I tell myself the same thing I tell Max when he is frustrated/mad. "Right now you feel anxious and that's ok. But anxious is a feeling like happy or sad. And like all feelings, it will pass." I say it over and over again until I drift to sleep. So if you're out there and you feel like this, you're not completely nuts. I promise.
 |
| Seriously? Heart attack waiting to happen. |
My husband is awesome. He always has been. He's kind and patient and smart and funny. He's always happy to help anyone who needs it, to hold open doors for old people, reach the high shelves for total strangers while we shop, he even cooks on occasion. He's really a true gentleman and I consider myself lucky to have found one since they continue to be an endangered species. He's like a unicorn.
As the years of our marriage go on, we have gotten comfortable like most people do. I forget to shave. He thinks his bodily emissions smell like cotton candy. You know how it goes. But while our rolls in the hay are less frequent, my love for him only grows.
And then we had a kid and holy ravioli did I have a whole new love for him as he did for me. From watching him hold our tiny son in the hospital room when he was only a matter of hours old to coming home from work now and Max getting so excited "Momma! It's Daddy! He is here!" has been an experience that makes me fall in love everyday. Even if I know his work day was long and exhausting, he comes home and does "guy stuff." Just my boys. Sometimes they cook. Sometimes they make forts. Sometimes they just go to get the mail. But everyday, there is time for just his boy. And that time, makes my heart almost burst with happiness. And to watch my husband look into a face that looks so much like his own, to look into his own eyes and fall in love in a way that we made together, is the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed. If it were possible to touch beautiful, that would be it.
#3. Big Girl Panties
Being a parent is gross. Your laundry will never be done. Your floors will never be clean. You'll look at your own shirt at least twice a day and say "What the hell is that?" There will be all sorts of yuck in between car crevices and couch cushions. Get used to it.
But my god. There will be pee and poop and vomit.
Basically anything that grossed you out prior to having kids will now be the Kardashian of your existence. You just can't go anywhere without dealing with it.
Case in point, I am what you would call a sympathy puker. If we are friends and you drink too much, I will hold back your hair until I get a waft of your puke and then I will help you out by puking on your head. You. Are. Welcome. But hey, at least you're not alone. I'm here for you. And for the record, there are a lot of great qualities I posses as a friend, being your go to guy to hold your hair is just not my strength.
And then you have a kid.
And when you see them choking on a mouthful of carrots or goldfish, you put your cupped out hands under that little chin and you catch every drop. Yep. Glamorous. And not gonna lie, you feel pretty gangster after.
#2. A Backbone
Believe it or not, I bit my tongue a lot prior to Max. Especially if it involved my feelings being hurt or being upset in general. Now it has dawned on me that your kid sees EVERYTHING. Even when you don't think they do. They see and hear it all. So I had an epiphany not too long ago that Max may grow up never sticking up for himself if he never saw me do it. So I dug deep and what little filter I had before is now completely gone. It comes down to this really: I don't ever want Max thinking he needs to be around or put up with people that do not make him happy or make him feel good about himself. So it's simple. If I'm not happy being around you, I'm just not going to be around you. That is an okay decision to make. And as the adage goes "If momma isn't happy, nobody is happy." So while I still don't like confrontation per say, I'm not afraid of it like I used to be. So ladies and gents if you are reading this and being a doormat is your issue, please, I implore you, pick yourself up by the bootstraps and frankly, cut the shit. Your kids are vulnerable and impressionable. It is up to you to show them not only good manners, but to stand up to themselves and not be bullied.
I don't mean to teach them to throw a right hook, don't get me wrong. What I mean is that it's also important that they know that it's not ok for other people (adults included) to make them feel less than and devalued. I owe a debt of gratitude to Max for teaching me this one.
This is hands down the greatest thing I have gained since being a parent. While becoming a mom has gifted me a ton of new things to worry about (mostly Max), it has also granted me the gift of allowing me to see that all of the big stuff before was really small. Seriously. Not too much sets me off these days. I don't stress about family drama or "needing" things like a newer car or name brand anything. It just does not matter. Looking at the world with new, innocent eyes makes me realize that it's the little things that are actually the big things. The tiny hand that grips mine when we walk through a parking lot. His thumb strategically placed just under mine. The two little arms that wrap around my neck in the morning with a "hi momma. I love you" sleepily spoken in my ear. The little head that rests against my shoulder as he says "no nap please" as he drifts off to dream his big dreams. The little legs and feet that seem to grow everyday. It's the teeth that need to be brushed, the hands that need to be washed and the baths that need to be given. It's the endless doling out of goldfish crackers and stepping on blocks. It's wiping away tears and explaining that saying "no" is to keep you safe and not to be a bad guy. It's sleepless nights when you're not feeling good but putting on a smile in the morning and being the best damn parent you can be for them. That, my friends, is what it is all about.
Until Soon,
Kate
No comments:
Post a Comment