For The Ladies: The 5 Friends You Should Probably Break Up With

We have all gone through a breakup that leaves us crying into a pint of Ben and Jerry's wondering what we did wrong.  Drowning sorrows and feelings into a bottle of wine (and by bottle, I mean case.  Let's get real).  And yes, we turn to our girlfriends who convince us that it's their loss.  He/She'll come around and realize what they lost and by then, you will have moved on.  That you're good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like you.  But what if it's one of those girls who has seen you at your lowest, runny eyeliner low that needs to be broken up with?

Yep.  I'm talking about the friend breakup.  I hate to be a traitor to my gender, but ladies, we're insane.  Yes, even you.  And yes, definitely me.  And I am here to tell you, sometimes it just needs to be done.  Here are the five friends you will probably, and sometimes sadly, break up with in your adult life.  What better way to start off a New Year?!?!

The Relationship Hermit:  We all know her.  You go to every birthday party, happy hour and dinner event together. And then she gets a new boyfriend and becomes completely consumed.  You fail to exist.  All of this friend's conversations start with "Oh My Gosh! It's been forever."  Not, of course because you haven't tried to reach out to her, but because her new boyfriend/girlfriend needs her constant and undivided attention.  While I'm sure she's trying to get all Beyonce on him/her to "Put a Ring On It,"  remember we have all been THIS friend.  And if you're reading this and it is you, you're listening to the wrong pop star.  In the illustrious words of the Spice Girls "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends" (in a non creepy sexual way).
Toxicity Level:  6
How to Deal:  Ride it out if you really enjoy your time together.  Consider how much you hate heels and tulle if she asks you to be a bridesmaid.  

The One Sider:  You've attended every birthday party for her over the past 5 years and spent time tracking down the perfect gift that makes her bawl immediately upon seeing it. But she hasn't remembered the month you were born in let alone the specific day, ever.  She has bailed on plans so many times that you deliberately double book knowing she isn't going to follow through.  She always says "We need to catch up/Hang out"  But can answer a text/call/email.  Listen.  We're too old for this.  Everyone is busy.  No one has time for this.  You're better than this friend.  Promise.
Toxicity Level:  9.  
How to Deal:  Follow boyfriend/girlfriend breakup protocol.  Unfollow on all social media, do not respond to communication.  Kill friendship with fire.  Drink Wine.  LOTS of wine.  Try not to drunk text.
  
The Put-You-Down:  Okay.  Can I just ask this?  Why do we put up with people that make us feel bad about ourselves?  Seriously!  What is it?  Here's the beauty of being a grown up.  You don't HAVE to be friends with anyone if you don't want to.  (and also you can eat ice cream for breakfast.)  This is not high school, folks.  If you are with someone who makes you self conscious because they put you down for what you look like or who you are, this is someone you do not need to be around.  Find people who couldn't care less if you put on weight or decide to go sans makeup to the supermarket or wear yoga pants to target.  Your life will immediately begin to improve once you remove people who poison your psyche with negative things about yourself.
Toxicity Level:  8
How To Deal:  Wake Up.  Be Awesome.  Repeat Daily.

The 'I can't believe she has other friends':  There's an old saying that goes "Any friend of (insert name) is a friend of mine."  It would be ADORABLE if that's how it worked in real life.  And, I hate to say it again ladies, but why can't we just welcome other people who happen to have vaginas into the flock?  If I have a friend who I hang out with everyday and that friend or I move away, I don't expect my good buddy to wait for me to come out to visit before she checks out the social scene.  I have met some of my closest friends through other close friends.  But yet, some ladies cannot handle the notion that you're hanging out with new people. I hate to say it, but this is one of those things from High School that seems to follow us into adulthood.  I didn't understand it in high school and I certainly do not understand it now.
Toxicity Level:  4
How To Deal:  A real friend will likely get over her own issues and maybe even start to like your new peeps.  If she doesn't, drink wine.  LOTS of wine.

The Old Jeans:  Everyone has them.  They fit just like sweat pants but you can wear them in public.  You can pull them on without dealing with the button or the zipper and there is a threadbare area in between the thighs where your chub rub is (no? Just me?  well, then fuck you!)  But let's face it.  They haven't fit you right for years.  Your back pocket is at your calf and the bottoms are completely frayed.  But we keep them around for comfort.  But every. Move. They. Make. is COMPLETELY annoying and makes you furious.  But you have been friends for SO long that you can't toss them.  
Toxicity Level:  2
How to Deal:  Suck it up, Buttercup.  This chick has too much dirt on you for you to walk away quietly.  You're in it for the long haul.  May I suggest the Pinot?

The Poor Me/Lucky You:  The worst of the worst.  They can never be happy for you because they're focused on their own sadness.  Perfect example:  I had a friend who was going through a terrible divorce a few years ago.  It was incredibly sad and she leaned on me a bit for emotional support.  I felt awful for her.  Towards the end was my own wedding.  The happiest day of my life.  She (for starters, and believe me, I am paraphrasing) guilted me into making her a bridesmaid, got upset when she was told she was not the maid-of-honor, and then to top it off, wanted to update me on the latest with her ex husband. At. My. Reception.  *sigh*  Then it all boiled over when she told me she was taking her kids and moving somewhere out of state.  I didn't hear from her in months.  Then I get a random text "HI!  Guess what?  I'm pregnant! And I am getting married.  Isn't that awesome?"  Nope.  Thought you were laying dead in a ditch.  We're done being friends.  I have wine to drink.
So in short, if you have someone in your life that can't celebrate your highs without bringing you down with their lows, cut the cord.
Toxicity Level: 10
How To Deal:  Live a happy life.  

In closing I would just like to say that I really am blessed to have the greatest group of girlfriends. Ladies, You know who you are, keep on being insanely awesome.  And please...PLEASE let's just stick to drinking wine.  A LOT. OF. WINE.  (Here are a few)  

The Kitchen Set

This past week we were gifted with a toy kitchen for Max.  It has lights and sounds.  It has an oven and a microwave and a sink and a prep counter.  It's adorable.  We are very thankful that our neighbors thought of us as they were making room for Santa.  I immediately brought it inside and handed Max a wooden spoon, a small cake pan, bowl and a pot that never gets used.  He asked to put his apron and toque. We didn't hear from him for hours.

I was disturbed that only a day or two later on one of the mommy sites that I read someone asked "Moms of daughters.  At what age did you give her a kitchen set?"

Holy. Shit.

Where do I even start?!?!

So here is my open letter that that mom:

Dear Sexist Mom,

Hi.  

Get your head out of your ass.

It's 2014.

Sincerely,

Kate Teixeira

But in all seriousness, what are we teaching kids?  That cooking is women's work?  Or that we should teach our girls that at a certain age her role is in the kitchen and to serve?

Here's the thing.  You're not raising kids.  You're raising adults.  And for the love of all things holy, you're not raising a princess.  Don't you want your daughter to have a little more self worth? How do you expect her to dream big dreams and have a partner that (gasp) RESPECTS her?  That (shock) treats her like an equal?  And (aghast) values her as an individual?  What if your daughter prefers a race car or a science kit to a kitchen?  Would you be gravely disappointed?   Kitchen sets are great.  They're awesome for pretend, don't get me wrong.  But they're great because we're not going to be around forever and you probably want your kid to know how to fulfill the basic need of feeding themselves.  So yes, girls, play in the kitchen.  But play with a science kit, too.  Play in the mud and collect bugs and play wiffleball and skin the shit out of your knees.  Wear dresses and eye shadow and perfume.  And yes, cook.  But date a man that cooks for you, too.

I could rant and rave about this all day.  I really could.  But I will just end with this.  Pink is a color.  Blue is a color.  Neither is a gender.  Boys like to cook.  Girls like to cook.  Neither is a career to pursue based on what is between your legs.  We can do better.  We need to do better.  

Until Soon,

Kate

Good Eater/ Picky Eater

I often get asked why Max is such "good eater."  Or I get told "you're lucky he eats everything."  As I stated in my opening blog post, I promised to write periodically about things I get asked about.  This is by far, the topic I get asked about the most. 

I figured I would open with a story.

One of my favorite stories my husband tells from his childhood is the time his brother, Joey, decided he wasn't going to eat his dinner.  It started off with his brother saying "I don't like (insert food item here)."  His mother, Maria said "Fine."  Cleared his plate and his brother left the table triumphant in his win against eating whatever fare my mother-in-law had cooked (By the way, she is probably the best cook I know of in real life).

Later that evening, Joey was hungry.  Maria, being as savvy to the human psyche as she is a pork shoulder, offered Joey his dinner plate that she had carefully wrapped in plastic and returned to the fridge.  Joey immediately changed his mind and convinced himself he could hold out to breakfast.  This was a battle of both wits and stubbornness.  He's bound to win, right?  No one is going to starve their own child because he doesn't want to eat his dinner, right?

The next morning, the boys woke to a breakfast spread like they had never seen.  Pancakes, bacon, eggs, the works.  They were called to the table.  My husband and Father-in law were served a hot, fresh meal.  Joey's place had his dinner from the previous night at his place at the table.  Maria then gently explained "This is going to rot in a few days. I suggest you eat it now."

It goes to show how much a generation has changed parenting in the area of eating habits.  I bring up this funny story because while Maria's methodology may seem a bit harsh, it is certainly effective.  While I may not go as far as she does, here are some do's and don'ts about getting your kids to eat better.

DO:

Have them Cook:  I'm not telling you to hand your toddler your Henckels Santoku knife and a deep fryer and saying 'Have at it.' But what I am telling you is that there is plenty that your child starting at age two can help you with in the kitchen.  You measure, they pour type of things.  Chop your veggies and have them put them in a glass bowl before you saute them. Have them test the noodles and tell you when they're done.  And with the plethora of kid friendly recipes on sites like Sproutonline.com,  There are literally hundreds of ways to involve your kid in cooking.  For example, Max can handle making things like English Muffin Pizza with very little help from me aside from cutting the muffins and putting them in the oven. There's even Masterchef Jr. now!  And please Don't stress about the clean up.  Your kitchen will be messy but who cares! It's fun and your kid(s) will LOVE cooking for the family.

Eat as a Family:  Start young.  Even if you're eating steak and your baby has just started on mushy foods, Puree whatever you made and feed it to them (as soon as you've ruled out allergies of course).  I SWEAR this is why Max will eat everything we give him.  And ok, maybe not steak, but you get my point.  When we were kids, there was no "Option B because I don't like option A."  so that should not be the case now.  I often get asked "Wow. Max likes fish.  Why is that?" Well, because we eat fish a lot.  When I make fish tacos, Max eats fish tacos.  Dinner time is family time.  And while I admit, yes, sometimes we end up sitting in the living room watching Ellen while we eat dinner, everyone's plate looks the same.  Protein, starch, veggie.

Implement the "No Thank You Bite" Rule:  There is a reason your mother used to tell you "How do you know you don't like it when you have never tried it?"  and that's because it's true.  BUT new tastes and textures can be scary for kids.  So here at Casa Awesome, we are huge fans of the "no thank you bite."   So far (knock on wood), Max has only hated one thing:  beets.  So, we don't serve him beets all that often (though he does have to try them when they're offered.  Their taste buds change.) Before you appease your kids and run to the kitchen to improvise a meal that they will eat, have them try what you cooked first.  You may be pleasantly surprised on the new foods they add to their repertoire.  But (and this is important) DON'T give in.  If they're unwilling to at least try, don't rush off to heat up those nuggets.  

Make a Meal Plan:  Everyone knows children thrive more when you set expectations and follow through with them.  If they expect chicken on Monday and pizza on Friday, follow through on those things on those days the best that you can.  Include them in the process.  What do you want want for dinner that is good for everyone?  Is there something you liked and we haven't had it in a while?  Talk. To. Your. Kids.  I cannot stress this enough.

Let them win once in a while:  Max is happy to sit down and eat an avocado with a spoon, but you know what else he loves?  Hot dogs.  And Mac and cheese. And tater tots.  And PB&J.  And the Pièce de résistance of toddler food:  The chicken nugget.  And guess what...I love them too (don't you judge me...judgey mcjudge face).  So every so often, That's what we have.  And you know what?  It's delicious.  

DON'T

Don't "Hide" food:  Just stop.  Kids are smarter than we give them credit for.  Lie to them about Santa and the tooth fairy.  Not meatloaf laced with sweet potatoes and quinoa.  

Be a Hypocrite:  Don't tell your kids how important eating your veggies is and not choke them down yourself.  I promise, your kid sees you tossing your peas away while he was scolded for not eating his.  Not. Cool.  Maybe try a new way to prepare them that everyone likes.  Peas for example, are better sauteed in some coconut oil with salt and garlic than they are steamed.  Try it.  Thank me later.

Forget YOU'RE THE PARENT:    While Maria's method may seem unorthodox now, I think there is some valuable merit in it now.  She, and you dear reader, are the boss.  As my own father would say "When you have a job, make money, do the shopping and contribute to the household funds, you can decide what we eat.  Until that day comes, this is what we got."  If you're constantly cutting the crusts off of sandwiches and making a second meal because "She won't eat that"  then you may be underestimating a child's ability to manipulate the system.  They're not dumb.  They're not going to starve themselves.  Promise.

I'm not here to tell you what to do to get your picky eater to eat.  These are merely the methods we use and have worked for us.  So I am crossing my fingers and hoping that they work for you, too.  Remember that food can be fun.  So get messy, get involved.  Get fun aprons and make it an event.  Even if you start once a week.  I promise, your kid will light up and have so much fun just being with you and you'll have some great memories.  And who knows, you may just be raising the next Gordon Ramsay.

Until Soon,

Kate

While You Were Playing

My Dear Boy,

We have been home together for a year now.  We have had some trying times, you and me.  But like everything, we figured it out together.  We have had more playdates than I can count.  We have read every book you own five times at least.  We have fed ducks and gone on boats.  We find turtles in our pond and we make crafts.  We go on long walks and you hold my hand and I hold yours.

But my favorite thing to do is to watch you play.  It's when you don't think I am watching you that I get to glimpse at the type of person you are going to be.

While I proudly brag that you are smart and funny and sweet and obviously take after me, I see so much of your daddy.  You have his eyes and his smile. And of course, that dimple that everyone falls in love with is also his.  But I see the type of man you will be and I already am bursting with pride.

I see you watch cautiously at a park or playscape.  You size up every baby and teenager in there before you jump in.  You're content to watch your friends and cousins jump into activities with reckless abandon as you smile on the sidelines to yourself.  Perfectly content without the spotlight on you.  Always with that dimple in clear sight so I know you really mean it.  Just like your dad.

I see you stop what you're doing when you hear another kid cry.  I watch you run over to say "It's ok" and rub their backs.  While you point to his or her parent and get their attention.  I see you wait until that child is in safe hands before you resume your own play.

I see you running.  Always behind the pack.  Not because you're the slowest or a follower, but because it takes you the extra second to join the group and be yourself.  To let yourself go and be the silly boy that you truly are.  

I see your friends want to play princesses and you take your dinosaur to the tea party.  Because while you are part of the group, you never let go of the things that are important to you.  And when your friends decide to do something you have no interest in, I see you again, content on your own, reading to yourself or stuffed animals.  Unphased by the fact that your friends have gone on without you.  Completely and totally happy.  And I hope you never lose that.

You may be okay not being in the spotlight, but you're the star of my show.  You're confidant and sweet like your mom.  You're cautious and just the right amount of shy like your dad. You're our son.  That's for sure.  And sometimes...just sometimes, I catch a glimpse of myself in your smile.  And then I see that dimple.

I love you.  The way you are.  The way you will be.

Go Dream Those Big Dreams,
Momma

Until Soon,

Kate

Growing Pains

It has been a week of growth and changes here in Casa Awesome.  (Yeah, that's what we call our house.  Don't you judge me.)  A week full of the youngest of us deciding that he makes his own choices and is no longer a baby.

It all started on Halloween.  We had a costume all picked out.  He was going as Clark Kent. I bought him a four piece suit for $12, a pair of play glasses for $1 and called it a day. He would simply wear everything but the vest over his superman shirt.  I would slick his hair down and that would be it.  It was a great costume and we gave it a dry run for Boo at the Zoo the week before Halloween.

Adorable, right?

As actual Halloween approached, I got VERY excited about the upcoming Holiday Season. Mainly because this is the first year my little man is starting to get the concept of the Holidays.  We talked about Halloween a lot.  He was excited about the prospect of getting candy and wearing a costume.  He loves playing pretend these days and seriously, who doesn't like candy?  So when the evening before Halloween came and I reminded him that tomorrow was the big day, imagine my immediate panic when he said "I don't want to be Clark Kent anymore.  I was already Clark Kent." (sigh) What was I going to do? Run out the day before Halloween to a party/seasonal shop for a costume?  I'm crazy, but I'm not THAT crazy.  Frantically I searched Max's closet and  then his dress up box.  In which I was reminded that my sister had made him a black cape with "Max the Great" on the back and he also had a black top hat at the ready.  So off momma went to spend an additional $1.46 for a wooden dowel to paint and this was the result:

Crisis Averted.

A few days later, I was in Target looking for a replacement dining room table.  Something on the cheap as we are planning a move and I didn't want anything I would have to schlep up north with us.  While I didn't find what I was looking for, I came across a sale on toddler beds. This had been a topic of conversation in the house for several weeks.  We had one of those fancy schmancy 4-in-1 cribs where you simply buy a conversion kit once you want to "upgrade" it.  Fausto and I both knew we were never going to get around to it so instead, I found myself picking up a big boy bed for my baby.  Something I wasn't planning on for at least another month or so and therefore was not emotionally or mentally ready for.  But there it was in my red cart.  A box that undoubtedly had a 25 page step-by-step guide and an allen wrench was being hoisted into the trunk of my Civic.  I let Max pick out a set of sheets (Mickey was his choice) and there it was.  A whole next phase that I wasn't ready for that was happening with or without me like so many other aspects of raising a young man.  Max clapped his hands and kept telling everyone "I have a big boy bed!" I muttered that it made me a little sad and he said "You can be brave momma."  

A few days later, Max officially turned 2 1/2.  First the costume switch, then a big boy bed and then an official half birthday.  It was too much growing up in such a short period of time.  Seriously where do the days and years go.  Didn't I JUST have him?  Wasn't I just in that recovery room arguing with a nurse who insisted I "get some rest" before they brought my son in to me?  Wasn't it just a week ago that I was singing him "Sweet Caroline" in a dark hospital room at 4 AM when the rest of the world seemed to stop and it was just he and I?  

But no.  That was 2 1/2 years ago.

And then there was today.  

I swear it started off like any other day.  Max woke up.  Fausto woke up and told me to go catch some extra sleep before he left for the day.  They would do "guy stuff."  Fausto woke me up as usual on his way out the door assisted by Max's "Momma! I miss you! Wake up!"  I peeled myself off the bed, kissed the husband and asked my baby what he wanted to eat.  I poured the cereal, turned on Tinkerbell (AGAIN) and Max and I were left to our own devices.  

And then it happened.

Max darted off to his bathroom where I heard him flushing his Elmo potty.   "Baby.  That is not a toy.  You can flush that when you decide to go potty on it."  Elmo potty made it's way to the living room and Max said "I'm going to try now" as he pulled and wretched his way out of his dinosaur pajamas and diaper.  And right there in my living room with all of his stuffed animals and Tinkerbell, Max decided that he uses the potty now.  Just like that.  And I was completely unprepared.  Thank GOD for leftover Halloween candy to use as rewards, speakerphone, and an awesome group of friends family that makes a huge deal out of these milestones as everyone got called and told our latest news.  Daddy came home from work and Max said "I potty now.  Then I eat lollipops."  And there it was. 

As if it was something he woke up and said to himself "Well.  Today is the day."  As if he had this on his mental calendar for months and failed to tell me.  So yes, there was a rush to Target to get the cutest little underpants you ever did see and a bag of M&Ms which are a far more realistic reward.  And then there is the little part of my heart that aches for the baby that is completely dependent on me for feeding and clothing and diapering.  

And like holding his bottle on his own or taking his first steps or sleeping in a toddler bed, Max is doing the guiding.  And it is all happening really fast for his mommy who wants to hold on just a little while longer while knowing that you have to let that baby grow into those big dreams that they dream.  You have to let that baby fall and skin their knees.  You have to let that baby have friends and share secrets with someone other than you.  You have to let that baby HAVE secrets.  You have to let that baby decide they want "privacy" and "I can read myself, mommy" moments.  Then you blink and that baby is a full on little boy.  And I hear that little boy voice that reverberates in my head "you can be brave, momma."  Yes baby, I can be.  You have to guide me though.

Until Soon,

Kate

Pirates and Mermaids

This past weekend was the third annual Boynton Beach Haunted Pirate and Mermaid Splash Festival.  This resembled much of your traditional Renaissance Faire but focused on...wait for it....Pirates.

As you know, I have a two year old and one of his many obsessions aside from Tinkerbell and Elmo, is Pirates.  Jake is his favorite show, when we practice our alphabet, his goes "Q, Arrrgh, S" and so forth.  We were very excited about this and ended up dedicating an entire day to the event which covered a few blocks of the downtown Boynton Beach area on Ocean Ave between the library and the Schoolhouse Museum.  We went in the morning for the start and the afternoon (post naps) for the end and had a wonderful time.  
Max started the day in his Jake shirt and was excited to have an event to wear his stuffed parrot to.

Whoever thought of putting a parrot on a wristlet is a GENIUS.

The event was full of vendors.  There were people selling corsets and hats.  Max oped for a $2 foam sword that was confiscated several times during the day.  The mood was immediately set by amazing costumes and groups of "sailors" everywhere singing pirate shanties.  Max was completely amazed.  Then we came upon The Avenger, a wooden pirate ship playground.  The cost was $5 for the entire day and totally worth it.  It had steam cannons, hammocks, a steering wheel, ladders and slides.  I kind of want one for the house.  Don't judge me.  

While the mermaid was really cool looking, the presentation left something to be desired.  Her reveal was opened by two showmen who did mainly slight-of-hand tricks which were easily figured out for anyone over the age of 10.  Their antics carried on for a bit too long for the large group of kids that were waiting to see the mermaid and once the curtain was drawn back, there was a mad rush of kids and parents to the tank to get pictures.  The problem was that they rushed everyone into taking their pictures and anyone stuck in the back (my shy kid for example) never got a chance to really see her because they were closing up shop.  So basically I had to explain to my 2 year old that we waited through the 10 minutes before the show to start, plus the show that carried on way too long that his reward was basically to see the top of a tank of water.  I was able to get this one decent shot on the walk out.  The mermaid is pretty impressive looking, I will give them that!  It was just poorly organized and executed for the masses.

While we remained unimpressed with the mermaid show, there were two that we enjoyed very much.

The High Flying Fools are a comedy type duo that also happens to do some impresses feats of strength on several apparatuses.  The show was great at including kids as well as making jokes that were meant for adults.  A good time was had by all for sure. 

Serious Kazoo playing.

Ichabod Wainwright, better known as "The Wheel Walker" is the show you want to see.  We were lucky enough to see him two years ago at Ren Fest and his performance is still as amazing as it was then.  I strongly suggest you check out his facebook page just to see his HD Point-of-view videos.  Simply amazing.  If you get the chance to see him in real life, this is the one show your kid won't ask you to leave every 20 seconds.  

Kate, Ichabod and Myself

We were very happy to see a lot of local breweries represented all together.  Especially from our friends at Due South.  The little brewery that could is consistently getting rave reviews (especially of their Caramel Cream Ale and Cat 5 IPA).  If you have yet to stop in for a pint or a growler, you my friends, are seriously missing out.

As exciting as it was to see craft beer represented, I was pleasantly surprised to be introduced to Mead by the Royal Manor Vineyards.  Owners and operators Wanda and Joe were on hand to not only give out a variety of samples, but knowledge of their product which, understandably, they take a lot of pride in.  As for their wines, most of the grapes and fruits that they use are grown by them or locally sourced which only adds to the amazing flavor.  While many a wino may find the meads to be a bit sweet, the wines themselves were crisp and smooth.  Or as I told them "dangerous."  My friend (also named Kate) bought us a round of their Sir Carlos after sampling all of their offerings (don't judge us.  We hang out with toddlers all day.  We can have a little mommy time!).  The San Carlos is made with the vineyards white grapes.  Served chilled, it was incredibly crisp and light and perfect for a hot night as the festival was winding down.  We were so impressed, Kate ended up buying an entire bottle.  The prices are incredibly reasonable ranging from $16 to $20.  If you come across them, please check them out.  You will not be disappointed!

The night ended with some very tired kids who still cannot wrap their heads around all the fun they had.  I can't wait to attend again next year and I only hope that the local community continues to support this growing event.  If you missed out on the fun this time, I implore you to get out next year!

Until Soon,

Kate

The Five Things You Gain When You Have A Kid

Trying to explain what it feels like to be a parent to someone who has not experienced it firsthand is like learning everything you can abut Rome without ever going.  Sure you can read books and view pictures and with the advent of live streaming, you can actually watch Rome all day, everyday if you wanted to.  (I may have had the Abbey Road Livecam streaming continuously for days on end.  Don't judge).  But no book or blog or story from a friend can compare with stepping off of that plane and breathing in that air and touching that architecture.  Parenthood, much like your fantasy of Rome, is the same way.  I read every book, blog and magazine.  I talked to every person I knew who had kids and asked every question I could.  I was as possibly prepared as I could be.  And still, nothing prepared me for what it was really going to be like.  The real, nitty-gritty, glitter and glue and body fluids that are probably not yours all over your clothes, REAL part of parenting.

Sure it's everything cliche everyone can tell you it's going to be.  "You'll never know love until you hold your baby."  "You'll forget what your life was like before him/her."  "It's like having a second heart that isn't yours walking around in someone else's body."  It is all of those things.  But much like baby weight and an extra chin, you gain so much more.  

From my experience, here are the five things I have gained in my time as a mother.

#5.  Anxiety
This is terrible, but we really need to be talking more about this.  I promise, the rest of this post will be happy and light.  stick with me.
I was an anxious person before about things. But add a kid?
HOLY. HELL.   
I have not watched the news in 2 years because I would immediately put myself and Max in whatever terrible story they were going on about.  I also had to stop watching "Survivorman" because what if Max and I were stuck n the Alps and the car broke down and we had to take apart the seats to keep warm?  Totally realistic, right?  Yeah.  It's not.
And once I started opening up about it, I found that I wasn't alone.  I still have a hard time watching the news.  Don't get me wrong, I am up on current events, but I prefer the news on Canadian Networks or the BBC.  Short, sweet, to the point and not drawn out.  I know.  Completely unpatriotic of me, but seriously, the Sandy Hook tragedy left me without sleep for almost a month.  So how do I deal now?
Well, I tell myself the same thing I tell Max when he is frustrated/mad.  "Right now you feel anxious and that's ok.  But anxious is a feeling like happy or sad.  And like all feelings, it will pass." I say it over and over again until I drift to sleep.  So if you're out there and you feel like this, you're not completely nuts.  I promise.

Seriously?  Heart attack waiting to happen.

#4.  New found Love for your spouse/partner
My husband is awesome.  He always has been.  He's kind and patient and smart and funny.  He's always happy to help anyone who needs it, to hold open doors for old people, reach the high shelves for total strangers while we shop, he even cooks on occasion.  He's really a true gentleman and I consider myself lucky to have found one since they continue to be an endangered species.  He's like a unicorn.  
As the years of our marriage go on, we have gotten comfortable like most people do.  I forget to shave.  He thinks his bodily emissions smell like cotton candy.  You know how it goes.  But while our rolls in the hay are less frequent, my love for him only grows.
And then we had a kid and holy ravioli did I have a whole new love for him as he did for me. From watching him hold our tiny son in the hospital room when he was only a matter of hours old to coming home from work now and Max getting so excited "Momma! It's Daddy! He is here!" has been an experience that makes me fall in love everyday.  Even if I know his work day was long and exhausting, he comes home and does "guy stuff."  Just my boys.  Sometimes they cook.  Sometimes they make forts.  Sometimes they just go to get the mail.  But everyday, there is time for just his boy.  And that time, makes my heart almost burst with happiness.  And to watch my husband look into a face that looks so much like his own, to look into his own eyes and fall in love in a way that we made together, is the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed.  If it were possible to touch beautiful, that would be it.

#3.  Big Girl Panties
Being a parent is gross.  Your laundry will never be done.  Your floors will never be clean.  You'll look at your own shirt at least twice a day and say "What the hell is that?"  There will be all sorts of yuck in between car crevices and couch cushions.  Get used to it.
But my god.  There will be pee and poop and vomit.
Basically anything that grossed you out prior to having kids will now be the Kardashian of your existence.  You just can't go anywhere without dealing with it.  
Case in point, I am what you would call a sympathy puker.  If we are friends and you drink too much, I will hold back your hair until I get a waft of your puke and then I will help you out by puking on your head.  You. Are. Welcome.  But hey, at least you're not alone.  I'm here for you.  And for the record, there are a lot of great qualities I posses as a friend, being your go to guy to hold your hair is just not my strength.
And then you have a kid.
And when you see them choking on a mouthful of carrots or goldfish, you put your cupped out hands under that little chin and you catch every drop.  Yep.  Glamorous.  And not gonna lie, you feel pretty gangster after.

#2.  A Backbone
Believe it or not, I bit my tongue a lot prior to Max.  Especially if it involved my feelings being hurt or being upset in general.  Now it has dawned on me that your kid sees EVERYTHING.  Even when you don't think they do.  They see and hear it all.  So I had an epiphany not too long ago that Max may grow up never sticking up for himself if he never saw me do it.  So I dug deep and what little filter I had before is now completely gone.  It comes down to this really: I don't ever want Max thinking he needs to be around or put up with people that do not make him happy or make him feel good about himself.  So it's simple. If I'm not happy being around you, I'm just not going to be around you.  That is an okay decision to make.  And as the adage goes "If momma isn't happy, nobody is happy." So while I still don't like confrontation per say, I'm not afraid of it like I used to be.   So ladies and gents if you are reading this and being a doormat is your issue, please, I implore you, pick yourself up by the bootstraps and frankly, cut the shit.  Your kids are vulnerable and impressionable.  It is up to you to show them not only good manners, but to stand up to themselves and not be bullied.
I don't mean to teach them to throw a right hook, don't get me wrong.  What I mean is that it's also important that they know that it's not ok for other people (adults included) to make them feel less than and devalued.  I owe a debt of gratitude to Max for teaching me this one.

#1.  Perspective
This is hands down the greatest thing I have gained since being a parent.  While becoming a mom has gifted me a ton of new things to worry about (mostly Max), it has also granted me the gift of allowing me to see that all of the big stuff before was really small.  Seriously.  Not too much sets me off these days.  I don't stress about family drama or "needing" things like a newer car or name brand anything.  It just does not matter.  Looking at the world with new, innocent eyes makes me realize that it's the little things that are actually the big things.  The tiny hand that grips mine when we walk through a parking lot.  His thumb strategically placed just under mine.  The two little arms that wrap around my neck in the morning with a "hi momma. I love you" sleepily spoken in my ear.  The little head that rests against my shoulder as he says "no nap please" as he drifts off to dream his big dreams. The little legs and feet that seem to grow everyday.  It's the teeth that need to be brushed, the hands that need to be washed and the baths that need to be given.  It's the endless doling out of goldfish crackers and stepping on blocks.  It's wiping away tears and explaining that saying "no" is to keep you safe and not to be a bad guy.  It's sleepless nights when you're not feeling good but putting on a smile in the morning and being the best damn parent you can be for them.  That, my friends, is what it is all about.

Until Soon,

Kate

The Other Woman

I have been very fortunate in my life to be blessed with many friends.  I'm not just talking about acquaintances or people you meet randomly at a party or a wedding or through a friend and then you follow each other on various forms of social media.  I mean real, call-at-4AM-to-cry friends.
One of my favorite friends is Erin.

We have a very normal friendship.  
We live far apart, but when we call, we pick up where we left off.
We have spent weekends together and gone out for meals.
We talk about our kids and love lives.
We talk about sex, bathroom habits, weight issues, things that annoy us.
We have been drunk together, we have cried on each other's shoulders.
We have done all of those things "normal" girlfriends do.
When it came time to have her children christened, she gave me the honor of naming me Godmother of her oldest son, Jack (not his real name) who is now 14 because I had been involved in his life for so long.  Because at one point, I was engaged to Jack's father.  And I met  his father, when Jack was 8 weeks old.

I'll let that sink in for a minute.

Yes.  I was the other woman.

I could go on for hours about how messed up and crazy my relationship with Jack's father was.  But it doesn't matter and that is a post for perhaps another time.  What I want to talk about today in these days of what seems to be woman versus woman in every catty sense of the phrase, is real strength.

It took a long time for Erin and I to become friends.  Obviously and with good reason, she hated me for a very, very long time.  She didn't want me around Jack.  She didn't want my ex to see me on weekends he had Jack. She made the beginning part of a new relationship very hard and now that so much time has passed, I totally get it.

As time went on, maybe Erin figured that at least on weekends when Jack was with his dad, he was being loved and cared for by someone since he was rather incapable (and that is the last I will say about him).  Maybe she finally got over the fact that I was sticking around despite the rocky start.  Maybe Jack went home to her and said how much fun he and I had that weekend.  Maybe there are a lot of reasons.  But whatever happened, she started to like me.  And when I finally left Jack's dad, is when I started to love her.

Maybe I stayed in a bad relationship for a bit longer than need be because by then, I loved Jack.  We were part of each other's lives and at the time the relationship ended, he was nearing 6 years old.  Old enough to know who I was.  To ask questions.  And more importantly, want truthful answers.  But it was Erin, not Jack's father, who gave me the final push to leave when she said "it isn't my business, but if you want out, Jack can stay in your life."

Think about what kind of woman that takes.  Think of the complete selflessness it took for her to share her baby that had no blood ties with another woman. To have to share her time with not only Jack's father, but now myself independent from him. Think of the maturity a woman in her early twenties had to show to say "maybe I don't like you.  maybe at one point I even hated you.  but my son loves you and that has to be enough for me."  

It's funny now when we go out in groups and someone always inevitably asks "So.  How did you two meet?" and we give each other the "Ok. So this is happening" look and one of us inevitably responds with "How much time do you have?"  When we are together, it really isn't something I think about anymore.  I think of things that only she and I share.  Memories of when Jack was small with a full head of curly blonde hair on his big head.  I think of the wisdom she has given me in raising my own baby after she married and had three more.  I think of sandwiches and apple picking and watching Jack grow up.  We shared tears on his first day of kindergarten and his birthdays that seem to come quicker every year. We share frustration when he gets lazy with school or does or says something that teenage boys say or do that we know are stupid.

So yes.  While it's more conventional to have friends that you have known all your life or met in college or work, I'm thankful that I have this one.  And while I regret the hurt I may have caused her at the time, I don't regret the friendship I gained from being the other woman.

Until Soon,

Kate

The Mother of All Baby Showers

Last night I had the honor of attending "The Mother of All Baby Showers" with my friend and fellow blogger, Lindsay Joly of You Are The Roots 
To say it was fun would be the understatement of the year.  The event was held at the Young at Art Museum of south Florida and I cannot WAIT to go back for a visit with Max.

Being around all those pregnant, excited women and other moms was a really positive and uplifting experience.  And even though Max is only two, it seems like bigger and better things for babies seem to come such a long way since my own pregnancy.

We were greeted by the amazing Jenn Brown from American Ninja Warrior fame who is expecting a little boy in December.  She was asking moms for advice and mine was "Don't let people scare you.

"Tangent Rant:  Why do women do this to each other?  As if we see a pregnant woman and, after finding out this is her first rodeo, we say 'Hey, you must be terrified! Let me tell you a horror story to help you along.'  SPOILER:  NOT. HELPFUL.  Why don't we spend more time uplifting and supporting each other and welcoming new moms into the fold with open arms and honesty?  Would that really be so hard? End Rant.

Lindsay, Jenn Brown and Myself

We were all also given a copy of  Sh*tty Mom with the authors Mary Ann Zoellner and Alicia Yababo from the Today show on hand to sign copies and chat with all us mommies.  I am already four chapters into the book and it is laugh out loud funny.  Get your copy Here

I know, I know.  This stuff is all very sweet and nice.  You want to know about the swag and what new inventions and fun things there are for your baby/toddler/kids.  One more side note:  Why can't I ever think of anything as cool as this stuff?!?!?  

Without further ado, here were some of my favorites of the evening:

 Soothe Jewels are wearable teethers for your little one.  the beads are large enough to not cause a choking hazard, but stylish enough where mom can wear one of the many necklaces and bracelets to soothe baby without carrying one more thing or worse, forgetting the teether.  There are even Soothe Jewels for dads!

I mean come on!  They're little oreos for your baby to wear.
It does not get much cuter than that!

The Kuddle Coat was designed by Sandy Smith who was incredibly friendly and enthusiastic about her invention.  Oh, and by the way, it's brilliant!

This is a lightweight garment that comes completely sterile and with the assistance of soap berries, manages to stay that way.

The material itself is very thin (think of one of those paper gowns you wear at the doctor) with soft patches on the arms and shoulders.  This way when your new baby is greeted by a barrage of visitors in those first few, crucial weeks, they are protected from things like the common cold or RSV.  (I told you it was genius).  The garment is then washed in the soap berries (yeah, they're a real thing by the way) the KuddleCoat maintains it's sterility, antimicrobial, antifungal and all around awesome properties.

Hold on to your seats parents of little boys.  I give you the Lil Marc

You. Are. Welcome.

The Lil Marc is a potty training urinal that empties as easily as a glass of water.  It comes with a stand but if your boy happens to be a bit taller than average, there is a wall mount included.  The opening is very wide to avoid splatters and "almost-made-its."  Lil Marc even includes a progress chart and reward stickers to make toilet training fun!

Every single mom I spoke to who had one of these said that their boy was fully trained in a matter of a week or two.  Pretty impressive.  I actually think I need to buy one!  Max has recently shown interest in the toilet, but more for the flushing than anything else.  As for the Elmo potty I got him (and paid $40 for!), he makes his Mickey go on it or hides blocks and cars in there.  Solid investment, right?

There were a ton of vendors at this event and all of them were equally amazing and excited.  It would be impossible for me (and incredibly boring for you) if I spoke about each and every one.  However, I do have to mention that I made a new artist friend, Nava who paints portraits of kids and pets and everything else you can think of. She is also the mom of the twins in the cute painting below.  She puts them in hats...I mean really, wouldn't you? You can view her amazing work here.

And what would any event be without the panels.  Thanks to Chicco (By the way, did you know it's pronounced Key Co?  Yeah.  Me neither.) and Britax who were both partners with the event, I feel both very informed and paranoid about my carseat. They had a lot of great information and I found out that three out of every four car seats is installed incorrectly.  Can you believe that?  75%!  We can and should do better.  So if you're reading this, make an appointment with your fire department and get yours looked at.

 One more thing I should mention and then I promise I will stop, is I was extremely impressed that there was not only a dad's area with beer courtesy of 26 degree brewing (the pumpkin porter is delightful) and basketball, there was also a Dad panel.  Now I know I am lucky and being a dad came naturally to my husband, but believe me, I know I'm lucky.  So ladies and gents, please, take the time if you are expecting or if you need help supporting your child and your partner outside of finances, Please check out resources at your local hospital or place of worship.

You can check out all of the amazing event vendors here.

I cannot express my thanks and gratitude for the privilege of attending this event.  I sincerely cannot wait to attend many, many more.

Until Soon,

Kate